Summer's end, and reflections

Summer has flown by all too fast - or maybe it feels that way because this has been one of the best summers of my life. After summer '05, I never thought it could get any better. And then summer '06 turned out better, and summer '07 better than that, and summer '08 came extremely close to '07, if not better.

But this summer ... this summer has been simply amazing. I've learned more about friends and people I considered friends, and more importantly, I've learned more about myself.

I went back into vegetarianism, which is something I've been wanting to do since I was forced to eat meat by the doctors that time I ended up in the hospital. I had a hard time looking at myself in the mirror and seeing myself as anything but a heartless murderer. Sounds harsh, but it's how I felt.

I have learned this summer that I need to take better care of myself and in turn have gained probably 10 pounds, which I hate, but it's probably good. I still have days when I feel huge and ugly and want to bust out crying and not eat for days, but I tell myself that I have come so far and have the strength to get over my past problems. I don't think I'll ever be completely over it or "cured", but I'm confident I will get there.

I finally got the nerve to talk to a long time crush, and - even if it took liquid courage - I still did it, and I fell in love. I've always been scared to fall in love or even date a boy because I've been turned down so many times and even thought I was in love once and he didn't feel the same. Nobody ever felt the same until this summer. I've never been so open with anyone about myself until this summer. I've never felt so alive until this summer.

I'm not saying that since summer is ending so is my happiness, it's just that I now have so many memories tied to it and I'm having the best time that I don't want it to end. I'm sort of scared, however, that it will all go downhill like every summer's end before.