Resolutions

I promised I would never do this again, because I never accomplish any of my goals.
But I've once again fallen into the trend of New Years Resolutions.

This year, I pretty much have all I need:
A best friend, who is also my sister. She's always been there for me, and always will be. Even if sometimes we disagree on things and argue and have a lot of different opinions and ideals and interests and tastes, she's the closest person to me, in more ways than one. I know her and she knows me more than anyone else. We share crazy senses of humor and get each other, when nobody else does. I know that I can be silly and also very serious with her. It's a pretty amazing to thing to have a sister and a best friend in the same package.

A boyfriend. My first real boyfriend. [Paul Rathbun for a week in the 5th grade doesn't count ;)] I never thought I'd fall in in love so fast, or fall in love period. Before him, I believe all of my crushes have been unrequited, and that's why I never went looking for a boyfriend. I denied my feelings for him so much at first, when he first started working with me at Family Fare. But it was always there. I remember getting butterflies in my stomach whenever I saw him. I remember looking at him constantly and then looking away, because I didn't want him to think I was a creep or something. I never knew he liked me until about a month or two before I hung out with him. I remember our first kiss, even though I got wasted before he came over because I needed some sort of liquid courage to talk to him. I remember the first time we slept together, and how I wasn't nervous when sex always scared me for some reason. Maybe it was because I had always waited for a right guy. I remember telling myself before we even talked that I just wanted to get it over with, with anyone, just to do it because I was still a virgin at 20 years old and I felt less-than all of my friends, or something. Anyway, I'm glad I waited for him, because he was, and is the right guy for me. I feel so beautiful around him, when I've never felt beautiful in my life. He makes me feel so safe and comfortable, and I can be myself around him. We are becoming best friends.

My other good friends, the ones that have stuck around through everything when the others ducked out. I love them. We have so much fun together, and make my life more fun. You know who you are.

Myself. I am slowly but surely "finding" myself, every single day. I'm realizing my true self. I know what I love and don't let anyone tell me that these things are stupid. I have my own ideals and opinions and don't let others bash them. I have my own style, even if it's not so stylish, but it's me. I got my dreadlocks back that I really regretted combing out every time I've done it. I'm sure I'll do it again some day, because sometimes I need a change or get bored, but for now I really love them, even if others thing they're nasty or ugly. I became a vegetarian again, something I had to do for myself. It kills me to think of animals dying for our taste buds. There's so much more to that that I won't get into. I am still, and probably always will be unhappy with my body. I've always had the worst body image issues. I'm still working on that. I still am unsure about my future, career wise, because there are so many things I would love to do. I still need to get my GED and have the money to pay for that, as well as my fines for probation and my many, many medical bills. I've made a lot of mistakes this year and had quite a few heartaches, but I believe all of the good things that happened this year outweigh the bad. I'll figure everything out.

Anyway, next year, the things I want to accomplish:

I would like to lose maybe 10 pounds. I feel so uncomfortable at this weight. It's the most I've weighed since probably 2004. I just want to be comfortable with myself.

I want to get my probation fine paid off and take this alcohol awareness class so I can get off probation. This is the biggest screw up I believe I've ever made, and I need to fix it and start being more responsible. I don't want to end up in jail. I've already violated probation a few too many times. It's not cool.

I would like to get more hours at my current job, or find another job. I wouldn't want to leave Family Fare because I have been there so long and love a lot of the people I work with. It's like a comfort zone, a second home. But I can't survive on 9 hours a week, especially if I want to do the above.

I want to get a tattoo. I've always wanted one. Both of the tattoos I want mean a lot to me, unlike a lost of things people get. I don't know. I'm hoping to do that with my tax return money.

I want to move out. I know that's far fetched, especially in my financial situation, but it'd be nice. I'm 21 and still living at home, and, even though I have awesome parents who don't care if my friends come over and wreak havoc, it'd just be nice to experience moving out, being independent.

I want to cut down, and eventually stop smoking. I've been smoking cigarettes regularly since I was 16, It's a waste of money, even though I love smoking [dumb, huh?], and I don't need the unhealthy aspect. I'm already unhealthy enough as it is.

I need to start writing more, taking more pictures [I also need a new camera], and using my creativity more.

I think that's it, although I'm sure there's more. The list never ends.