My eyes are aching for sleep, but sleep is most likely not in my near future. A big part of it due to stress, too much on my mind, and simply not being able to get comfortable in my bed. But most of all, I need to stay awake to take my drug/alcohol test that ends at noon. I keep fucking up with these. I'm not saying I drop dirty - It's even worse, actually: I don't drop when I should. I think I've missed the past 2 weeks. I'm full of nerves thinking about my next probation meeting, and what my probation officer will say about this.
Probation. That word puts a bad taste in my mouth, still. I'm still kicking myself in the ass for fucking up so badly. I never thought I would have to be put into this situation. It's not cool, it doesn't give you "street cred" or make you "hard" or tough. It makes you ... It makes me sick to my stomach. It makes me nervous when I see a police car driving down a street. It makes me nervous to have a drink. It makes me nervous to be in the same room, or the same car as people who are smoking pot/have smoked pot prior.
I just can't wait until this is all over.
On a brighter note, I am also going down to the Secretary Of State office to get a photo taken for a new ID [21 in 10 days! Time is flying.]
And, tonight I will be spending time with my boyfriend before he goes to Adrian for Thanksgiving. I'm going to bake him something yummy :)
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