I don't know what it is, and I can't exactly recall when it started, but lately I've been feeling incredibly stressed, nervous, and emotional. I surround myself with people who can make me laugh and keep me distracted enough to forget, if only for a short time, everything on my mind and everything I'm dealing with. Or I'll play music that reminds me of good things - people, old memories, stuff llke that.

Anyway,
I haven't felt good in a month or so. Maybe more. And the past week, I haven't slept well, or slept at all.
My body doesn't feel right. I don't feel right with my body.
I'm sort of scared I'll go back to my old behaviors, but I keep telling myself "maybe that won't be so bad."
Sickening, sort of.

What can I do to get out of my head and back into life?

I had a great time yesterday. My boyfriend came back from Adrian and when I saw his face it was sort of like a head rush. He was only gone for 3 days, but when you're so used to seeing someone all the time and they're gone, it just feels weird. And it feels amazing to see them again.

After work, we went to a party at my friend Silas' house. It seemed like everyone was on acid - maybe because the majority of them are. I remembered why I stopped hanging out with a lot of people who do drugs. I'm not a big fan of drugs, or people who do them all the time. I know I do things people think are boring or annoying or harmful, but drugs just kind of piss me off. I like taking drugs every once in a while, but when you do them every single day, that's not fun. I loved my experience with acid. I loved my experiences with shrooms. But it's like all of those drugs are a part of their daily routine, or something. I don't know.
Anyway, it was a fun night.
And then I got to snuggle with my boyfriend after. We slept real late, but it was much needed sleep.

I'm 21 in 5 days. This year has flown by so fast.