4 days and thinking.

I can't turn my mind off. I'm almost 21 [4 days!], and that's like ... big. I've just been thinking about this year a lot, and how fast it has gone by, and just ...

My life has gone through some pretty drastic changes this year. I gained about 20 pounds [which I'm trying very hard to lose], I lost my virginity [I only waited so long because I wanted it to be the right person. And it was!], I fell in love fast [which I never thought would happen], I went to my boyfriends hometown and to Cedar Point with him, which was really special because he liked me enough then to bring me to where he grew up, and introduce me to his family.

I did two drugs I never thought I would do - shrooms and acid. Taking shrooms the first time made me think a lot and see things I've never seen before. I learned a bit about myself, in some ways. Some things I still think about, like the thoughts in my head, and the visuals I had on them. The second time I took them and acid at the same time, as well as drank. I didn't feel funny, I didn't think too much, I didn't see anything or have any sort of epiphanies, so to speak, like the first time. I just had fun. That added with seeing Bassnectar after taking them was definitely A+.

I got an MIP and have been on probation since September, and have to take weekly drug/alcohol tests [which I also never thought would happen. I've always been extremely lucky in the drinking department.] I could have died falling down cement stairs and hitting my head on the 14th of this month, and I am extremely lucky and thankful that there was no major problems, just a bump and some bruises. But it definitely effected my life, just like everything that happened this year.

A lot more has happened - like the pregnancy scare. But a lot of stuff I want to keep private.

To be perfectly honest, most days I don't feel like my old self. I don't know whats happened to me, and I'm not sure if that's a good or bad thing. I think it's just still all the memories - good and bad - and the experiences, and the people I've met, and all the changes I've gone through. It's like a big mixture of good and bad, ups and downs, and that's what life is, right?

Who knows - maybe more terrible things will happen before the new year. And maybe more amazing things will happen.
Whatever happens, I'm ready. I almost have to be by now.