I feel like screaming half the time.
I hate that I'm stressed constantly. I hate that the reasons for my stress are all my fault.
That sense of peace I felt this summer is gone. The feeling of hopefulness and excitement I felt just a few months ago is gone now, and I know it won't be back until I get my shit together.
I don't know how to solve things. I've never been good at fixing things in my own life. I spend all of my time trying to make others happy and forget about myself. Lately I've been trying to cover messes up so I don't have to see them, think about them.
Whenever I think about everything, everything I'm messing up and everything I'm risking, I get dizzy.
I just keep thinking, What the hell am I going to do? How do I do this? Why did I, and still put myself in these situations? Everything was so, so, so amazingly amazing for once, and now it's totally gone.
I am kidding myself trying to stay positive when everything is no negative.
Few things in my life are keeping me sane right now. My amazing boyfriend, friends, and family. And without them I think I might break down.
I used to be excited about the future. And now, I'm flat out terrified of it.
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